Ascertainment

Ok Im going way over board about this whole trying to reduse things in my life down to certainty. To tell you the truth i think its still too early in my life to know who i am and know what im doing or going to be doing in the next 3 years or whatever. However if i start early i gain the edge and its a massive advantage because then you can get to hone yourself, your talents and know where you lie.
For a few years now I have noiced myriad changes in me and the people around me. My multitudionus demands of having a great big group of friends, fun free time and Im coming back to it again, the desire to surround myself with as many people as i can have diminished down to just a good happy life being able to do whatever i want and wanting to experience and soak in as much of the world as i possibly can..
Prioroties change with passing of time. When you were in primary school it was all about "will i be able to particpate in the annual day?" or "will i come first in the 100m race?" and then when we move onto secondary its all "i cant finish my homework in time!" and "i have submissions and elocutions, competitions and rehearsals!" and then we come into college life we go on and on about "i like him but what if he doesnt like me back? What am i going to do?" and "i need to think about what im going to be doing in the next 3 or 4 years becoause thats what will be defining my future years".. blah blah..
Change is inevitable. But too much of it revamps you completely and sometimes makes you wonder is this possibly the right patht that i have chosen?
I'd wonder if the change is due to the external factors of our environment. Humans evolve and adapt largely due to the environment. But my opinion alot of your own instincts and whatever goes own within you is what is in charge of the change. Because in the end the people you surround yourself with somewhat reflects your ownself. It is because of You that they are they with You, because of You. you are in your current situation. In the end it is You, yourself who is reponsible for, well YOUrself! ;)
This is tiring to read over and over again so ill deviate. My point being whatever disappointment you may end up with or appraisals and accomplishments in your life are because of what you yourself have done.
Your opinions and perceptions change because of influence as well (external factors) and in a given amount of time you will change the kind of people to whom you are tied to. Family may never change or fade because it is they who have witnessed these changes in you since day one of your bed-wetting, nappy-wearing, potty-going life to whoever you are today!
Im pretty unsure as a person, sucky at time-managment. Cant make decisions on time, selfish, wastes way too much time thinking about what other people think of me based on those late decisions, wants to do way too many things life may not be able to offer due to the whole humans being mortal and all that,makes shoddy promises, self-depreacting, comes off too harsh and strong in an argument, wonders about "the purpose of life".. Now i simply osund plain weird.. :P
But there are sound things about me too. When i finally do make that decision i stick it right through the end and make the best out of it, people i really love will always be protected by my security services, weird in a good way. If you notice i have noted down barely any plus points to myself, this is when we go back to the "self-deprecating" point mentioned earlier.
All of this is me NOW. Before i "changed" (including external/internal factors) i was a dominating, horribly self-centered than even now, regardless of consideration of feelings of anyone else's, wouldnt know the difference between wrong or right as long as it was in my interest. Jeez... I could go on!.. But i have always liked the fact that i was never too pricey, too materialistic. I dont know, with the kind of qualities i used to represent thats hard to believe, even for me.
For me even my dancing and sketching and imagining took such a turn once i was out of that shell. I took the middle path from the fork of possibilities and suddenly everything seemed to churn in front of my eyes. I lost my best friend not without any other consequences or minor sufferings and setbacks but i gained so much more than i could have ever imagined. I regained two new ones from my old dominating days :P . It felt like they were there all along but i just had a foggy windscreen and didnt notice them. Dancing helped regain a part of me that was lost after the loss i felt for my friend, it helped give me some time for myself and let me think things over once again. I felt that i had a stab at a new social life through dancing. I got to meet new people. People i actually liked and not with false pretenses or gains. I got out of the "introverted" category of people and learned to talk for the first time. Those days i recall with a fondness but then i was so scared out of my wit. I guess all of it was worth it. I felt like a broken string of a guitar repaired and reassembled, rethought. I realised people arent all the same. Some of them give more than just second chances and dont expect anything in return and give so much that it overwhelms your entire being. And I wondered... "How? Why? What have i done for them? Is this a cruel illusion?" This took some gut to adjust to and get back to the field of reality in my newly rejuvenated self.
When i learnt of this new genre of people who also included my two new greatest of friends, I made a promise to myself that I will also try to provide that kind of safe haven to those who have experienced or gone through a similar emotional turmoil as i or even worse. If someone can be so conceited in one point of time or inaffectionate it doesnt mean its the same way through out their life. Impressions can change. A person can never completely remain the same.

Because if I got to have that everyone else deserves it too and thats the best way to help.
This small chapter has been reduced to some amount of certainty. Some small amount i didnt say entirely . Though im still trying to search for myself

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